Many of us set out to make changes in our lives, such as losing weight, giving up smoking, spending more time with the kids, being a better leader etc. Yet we fail more often than succeed. Those who succeed associate more pleasure than pain with the change. Thos following story exemplifies this message.
Imagine the situation: the bride-to-be is having afternoon tea with her friends two weeks before the wedding. The waiter brings the dessert trolley over.
He removes the cover to reveal the chocolate cake, the cream éclairs, the double-layered strawberry sponge and asks, “Would you care for the dessert?” Though her head is nodding yes, she manages to say, “No, thank you,” to the waiter. How does she manage to resist the temptation? It is because she is thinking of her wedding portrait. She is thinking of the moment when all her family and friends hear the celebrant pronounce them married. She is thinking of her husband walking her back up the aisle towards the large wooden mahogany doors and as the doors open, there waiting outside is the photographer.
The photographer who is going to take the wedding portrait that is going to sit on their television set for the rest of their lives! The wedding photo that their friends will look at.
The wedding photo that the whole family will ask to see.
The wedding photo a few years later the children will look at and say, “Mummy, you were so beautiful on your wedding day!” the wedding photo that later still the grandchildren will see and say, “Grandma, were you really that thin once?” It is these thoughts that allow our bride to say no to the waiter.
This story illustrates what it takes to make changes. You must associate more pleasure than pain with the change you are making. In psychology, this is hedonism. In Neuro-Linguistics Programming (NLP), it is referred to as the pain-pleasure principle. The bride-to-be associates more pleasure with looking slim in the wedding photo than she associates with the pain of missing out on a delicious but fattening desert.
by Robin Speculand.
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